7 Subtle Signs of Spiritual Abuse

What is Spiritual Abuse?

Spiritual abuse, particularly within the context of high-control religions, involves the misuse of religious beliefs, practices, and authority to manipulate and control the members of that religious community.

It’s a form of abuse that exploits people's faith, trust, and commitment, typically for the benefit of those in positions of religious authority or for the overarching “mission” of the religious group.

While authoritarian religious leaders are often the perpetrators, it’s important to recognize that the concept of an authoritarian version of god can also perpetrate spiritual abuse.

This version of god—harsh, unforgiving, and ever-watchful—can be as controlling and damaging as any human leader.

In high control religions and religious cults, we often find that religious leaders leverage this portrayal of god to demand absolute obedience, suggesting that questioning the group’s teachings or deviating from its rules is tantamount to defying god himself.



When we think of trauma and abuse, explicit acts of abuse often come to mind.

However, spiritual abuse is not always obvious.

In fact, in most religious communities, we find that it tends to fly under the radar and is rarely recognized as "abuse."

Here are some covert examples of spiritual abuse:

• You were made to feel guilty or ashamed for questioning religious leaders or teachings.
  
  
• You were taught that your salvation and self-worth were conditional on strict obedience to religious rules, or that your hardships were divine punishment for your sins or lack of faith.
  
  
• You were discouraged from forming close relationships with family and friends outside the religion, except for the purpose of converting them or serving as a “witness” to Christ’s love.
  
  
• You were pressured into making significant life decisions, like marriage or career choices, based on what the religious group deemed “God’s will.”
  
  
• You were manipulated into believing that doubts or personal desires were signs of spiritual weakness or rebellion against God.

Regardless of whether the abuse is overt or covert, we find a common thread of power and control woven through both types of spiritual abuse.



7 Signs of Spiritual Abuse

Let's take a look at the most common signs of spiritual abuse.

Spiritual abusers often employ guilt, fear, or shame as tools to manipulate and control their followers.

However, they rarely need to make direct threats.

The mere suggestion of divine punishment, exclusion from the community, or the loss of salvation can be enough to keep people in line.

In my own experience, the pastors were much more like to point to "god's word" (the Bible) as the absolute authority on what would become of sinners and backsliders.



They simply had to convince us that the Bible was the literal, inerrant word of god, and once we accepted it as such, the Bible itself imposed the threats for them.

High-control religious groups typically operate with a rigid hierarchical structure where leaders maintain significant power.

Spiritual abuse occurs when these leaders misuse their authority to dominate and micromanage the lives of their followers.

Teachings from figures like the Apostle Paul are often cherry-picked to justify this control, molding members' behaviors to fit the church's agenda.

As mentioned earlier in this article, in many high control religions, god is actually cast as the authoritarian leader and the pastor or priest is seen as the “mouthpiece” of god.

When they are positioned as such, their exclusive connection with the divine allows them to either claim that they're the only source of truth and spiritual knowledge or they will simply be perceived as such by devoted congregants.

Here's what most problematic about this set-up.

If you question or challenge the authority or teachings, you may be labeled as rebellious, spiritually weak, backslidden, a “doubting Thomas,” or even evil and corrupt.

When other members see someone in the group labeled this way, they may be afraid to associate with that person and the person is essentially shunned or ostracized until they fall back in line.



Fear of being cast out from the group can lead to self-censorship among members, effectively reinforcing the authority of abusive leaders.

Isolation is another tactic used by high-control religious groups.

By discouraging contact with non-members, family, or friends, these groups create an environment where questioning or leaving becomes nearly impossible.

The community becomes an echo chamber, reinforcing the group's beliefs and practices while cutting off outside perspectives.

This type of isolation is incredibly concerning because it often creates a dependency on the group and its leaders.

And once someone becomes dependent, they are much less likely to question the practices of the group or in any way "rock the boat."

In addition to encouraging members to limit contact with "unbelievers," here are a few examples of how high control religions begin to subtly isolate their members:

• Restricting Access to Outside Information:
  Members may be limited in their access to books, media, or online content that contradicts the group’s teachings. This information control prevents members from gaining diverse perspectives or learning about alternative viewpoints.

• Limiting Educational and Professional Opportunities:
  High-control religions might discourage or even prohibit members from pursuing higher education or certain career paths that are seen as conflicting with the group’s values. This can restrict members' exposure to different ideas and networks, further isolating them from the broader world.

• Mandating Group Activities and Socialization:
  The group may require members to spend excessive amounts of time in religious activities and events, leaving little room for outside social interactions.

This constant engagement with the group reinforces isolation by ensuring that members' social lives are centered around the religion.



Another warning sign of spiritual abuse within religious communities is exploitation.

Exploitation can take various forms, but it often involves misusing a member’s resources, time, or skills for the group’s benefit.

This can include financial exploitation, where members are pressured to give excessive amounts of money or assets to the group.

We definitely see this show up with “tithing requirements” or expectations that you give 10% of your income to the church.

Exploitation can also occur through manipulation of time and energy, where members are expected to devote all their free time to the group’s activities, leaving little room for personal growth or pursuits outside of the group’s agenda.

Moreover, some groups may exploit members’ skills or talents for the benefit of the group without fair compensation or recognition.



These forms of exploitation can be subtle and insidious, as members may feel guilty for not giving enough or not being devoted enough to the group’s cause.

Controlling your personal choices is yet another red flag of spiritual abuse.

This is also a hallmark of all high control religions.

You might have experienced this if you’ve ever been part of a group where your individuality was suppressed, and personal decisions had to align with the group’s beliefs or doctrines.

This control often extends to various aspects of life, including diet, dress, entertainment, relationships, and even trivial daily routines.

It could be as overt as being dictated what to wear, who to date or marry, or what career to pursue.

On a subtler level, it might involve “suggestions” about how to spend your time or pressure to conform to the group’s norms and expectations.

This type of control often goes beyond religious practices and intrudes into deeply personal areas of life, creating a sense of guilt and fear for not adhering to the group’s standards.

One of the tactics religious cults will often use to control you is something called “Phobia Indoctrination.”

To learn more about phobia indoctrination, check out this article:

• What You Need to Know About Phobia Indoctrination and Religious Cults

What is particularly insidious about this type of control is that it’s often presented under the guise of spiritual guidance or the pursuit of holiness.

However, true spirituality will empower you and bring about a sense of freedom, rather than constraining personal choices.

Suppressing dissent is a classic characteristic of spiritual abuse, especially in religious cults.

If you’ve felt that your opinions were disregarded, or if expressing doubts, disagreements, or critical thoughts led to punishment or ostracization, you’ve experienced this form of abuse.

Cults tend to maintain their authority by labeling dissenters as flawed, rebellious, or spiritually weak, thereby discouraging anyone from questioning the group’s beliefs or practices.

Moreover, this manipulation often goes beyond individual instances of dissent.

You might find that the group systematically discourages critical thinking and promotes black-and-white, us-versus-them thinking.

This binary mindset serves to isolate you further, convincing you that the outside world is dangerous or morally corrupt, and that only this particular religious group holds the truth.

Within religious cults and high control religions where suppression of dissent is often used as a way of controlling people, it’s common for members to feel deep fear or guilt about entertaining doubts or considering alternative perspectives.

This is how they keep you trapped.

Withholding information is the final sign of spiritual abuse to be on the look-out for.

Keep in mind, this one can be an especially tricky form of spiritual abuse because it can be hard to identify.

You may not even realize that critical information is being kept from you, making it difficult to really question or challenge the group’s teachings or practices even if you felt able to.

Religious cults may withhold information in several ways:

• They might selectively present religious texts, emphasizing certain passages while completely ignoring others that don’t align with their specific agenda.
  
  
• They might also obfuscate the truth about the group’s history, operations, or leadership to maintain an image of perfection and infallibility. This could include outright lying, or a more subtle form of deception like telling partial truths or spinning information to fit their narrative.
  
  
• They might discourage you from reading or listening to “secular” media or perusing publications outside their approved list.

If you’ve noticed that you’re discouraged from seeking information outside the group, or if the leaders react defensively to questions or critical inquiry, these could be signs of information control.

Withholding information is a form of manipulation meant to maintain control and foster dependency, and it’s a clear sign of spiritual abuse.



Steps to Begin Recovering From Spiritual Abuse

Ok, now that we’ve covered the 7 common signs of spiritual abuse you need to keep an eye out for, let’s talk about some steps you can take to start recovering from the effects of spiritual abuse, especially if it occurred in the context of a religious cult.

Recognize and Validate Your Experience:
It’s so important to start by acknowledging that you have, in fact, experienced spiritual abuse and the impact it’s had on your well-being. And yes — it really was that bad!

Educate Yourself:
Take the time to learn about spiritual abuse, including its signs and effects (which is what you’re doing be reading this article).

I also recommend you check out When Religion Hurts You by Laura Anderson.

Seek Professional Support:
Consult with a mental health professional, ideally one who is experienced in religious trauma.

However, a trauma-informed therapist should still be able to help, even if they don’t specialize in religious trauma.

You can also Learn More about working with me.

Establish Clear Boundaries:
Identify and set firm boundaries in your spiritual and personal relationships.

Communicate these boundaries assertively with those around you to ensure they are respected.

For more on this, check out: Setting Boundaries After Leaving Religion: The Complete Guide.

Connect with Supportive Communities:
Seek out communities or groups that share your values and beliefs.

If you’re looking for an online community of people who “get it,” check out my Religious Harm Recovery Group on Facebook.

Practice Self-Compassion:
Prioritizing self-compassion will help you begin to recover from the internalized guilt and shame that often accompanies prolonged spiritual abuse.

Reevaluate Your Beliefs & Values:
Reflect on your beliefs and values, and determine if they align with your authentic self.

Allow yourself the freedom to question and evolve in your spiritual journey, embracing what feels true to you.

Express Your Emotions:
Engage in creative outlets or therapeutic practices to express your emotions.

Consider journaling, art, or talking with supportive friends about your experiences, allowing yourself to heal and process your feelings.

Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques:
Incorporate mindfulness and grounding exercises into your daily routine to stay present and manage anxiety.

Explore techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to cultivate inner peace and resilience.

Remember, the journey to healing from spiritual abuse is unique for each person.

Try to be gentle with yourself and trust your inner wisdom as you navigate towards a healthier and more aligned path that supports your authentic self moving forward.

What To Do Next:

We covered quite a bit of information in this article. If you’re wondering what to do next, consider the following…

Join the Group:

One thing I would definitely encourage you to do is to check out my private Facebook group for folks recovering from religious harm and spiritual abuse:

• The Religious Harm Recovery Group

Learn More About Me:

• Personal & Professional Background
• How to Work With Me

Stay Connected

Most importantly you’ll want to make sure you’re on my email list.

Each week I send out a topical email related to religious indoctrination and religious harm recovery.

Use the form below to sign up!