A season of religious triggers
The complicated reality of joy mixed with pain
A Note From Megan | Publication Date: December 8th, 2025
The holidays can be a particularly fraught time of year for folks who were indoctrinated into a religious group that practically idolized the holiday itself, given the claim that it’s “Jesus’ birthday.”
In my one-on-one work, my clients and I often end up spending the weeks leading up to Christmas dealing with the numerous religious triggers that are constantly being activated.
Maybe it’s the first strains of “Silent Night” coming through the overhead speakers while you’re shopping.
Maybe it’s the garish manger scene set up in front of one of your neighborhood churches.
Or maybe it’s the banner set up on a random street corner admonishing you to “keep ‘Christ’ in Christmas.”
My friend, if any of these examples sound familiar, you’re in good company because these were all triggers I experienced in the last 48 hours alone…
Since deconverting from religion entirely, each winter resurfaces my struggle of how to handle the Christmas holiday.
I’m obviously not into religious Christmas songs and manger scenes anymore, but I still feel a longing for sparkly decorations and twinkly lights.
I feel increasingly angsty about the rampant consumerism plaguing industrialized nations, but I can’t deny the joy it brings me to both give and receive a special gift.
My own family is rife with toxic dynamics and estrangements, but I still love to re-watch The Family Stone each year, basking in the romanticized haze of familial dysfunction.
I guess you could say there are some triggers I avoid, and others I still seek out and even actively respond to.
In fact, in many ways, it still feels good to respond to my early conditioning around the Christmas holiday.
I suppose my point in sharing this is that there’s no one right way to navigate the winter holidays.
For some of us, we’ll keep the traditions that still work for us and disregard the ones that are no longer aligned.
Others might skip Christmas altogether, perhaps opting to celebrate something else instead, such as the winter solstice.
And for some of us, going “home for the holidays” isn’t safe, possible, or financially realistic, so our decisions are influenced way more by safety and capacity than by preference.
What I’ve come to recognize is that no matter what you or I choose to do this year, we get to keep changing and evolving with each new season.
Just because we did it one way last year doesn’t mean we can’t try something new this year.
And even if we still default into doing some of the same things we did while we were still part of the church, that doesn’t mean we can’t still find joy in maintaining certain activities or traditions that still feel meaningful.
If you find you’re dealing with a lot of triggers from your religious past this holiday season, you may be interested in these articles I wrote about religious triggers:
And as a reminder, it’s ok to simply “get through it” if that’s all you have the capacity for this season.
I’ve definitely been there too.