3 Critical Ways Anger Supports Religious Trauma Recovery
For those of us who grew up in families or religious groups where anger was suppressed, the idea of intentionally accessing anger may seem a bit wild to you.
Or perhaps you grew up around A LOT of anger, and even a whiff of anger sends you into an anxiety spiral because it was closely linked to threat.
For me, the only positive viewpoint of anger in my family and religious community was “righteous anger” (the kind that motivated Jesus to flip the tables in the temple).
Otherwise, anger was off limits.
It was considered to be a weakness or even a sin.
Either way, it was something I was brought up to believe needed to be suppressed or avoided at all costs.
But what if I told you that anger can actually be an essential tool for healing, even though it’s rarely talked about in recovery work?
If this seems surprising or unlikely to you, please, stick with me here.
No matter what type of trauma recovering work we’re doing, most therapists agree that often you have to get angry before you can get better.
What We’ll Be Covering:
Anger and the Window of Tolerance
In order for anger to help, we must be within our window of tolerance, where we can process it in a healthy and productive way.
The window of tolerance, developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, describes the range of arousal states in which you can function and process emotions effectively.
When you’re within this window, you feel grounded and capable of handling stress or discomfort.
But trauma, including religious trauma, often narrows this window, making it harder to stay regulated when strong emotions (like anger) arise.
When this widow is narrow, even small triggers can kick us out of our window of tolerance.
Outside the window of tolerance, you might experience:
Recovering from religious trauma includes learning to expand your window of tolerance so that you can experience anger (and other emotions) without being thrown into either hyperarousal or hypoarousal.
Expanding your window of tolerance creates space for you to not only process emotions like anger but also makes it easier to navigate relationships and day to day stressors.
Let’s start by taking a look at how anger interacts with your window of tolerance and how you can work with it as a recovery tool.
Anger and Hyperarousal: When It’s Too Much
Anger is often part of a fight response, designed to protect you when you feel threatened.
But for those with trauma, anger can quickly push you into hyperarousal, making it feel overwhelming and out of control.
Signs that you’ve moved into hyperarousal might include:
- Racing thoughts or difficulty focusing.
- Feeling shaky, tense, or on edge.
- Reacting impulsively or aggressively.
Hyperarousal can make it difficult to process anger constructively.
Instead, you might lash out, say things you regret, or feel consumed by rage.
How to Work With It:
To bring yourself back into your window of tolerance, try grounding techniques that help regulate your nervous system, such as:
Once you’ve returned to a calmer state, you can reflect on your anger and decide how to take action in a way that aligns with your well-being.
Later in this article, we’ll talk more about the 3 ways anger can support recovery once you’re back in the window of tolerance or you can jump to this section now.
Anger and Hypoarousal: When It’s Suppressed
For many people raised in authoritarian religious environments, anger was deemed unacceptable or even sinful.
Overtime, suppressing anger can become second nature, leading to hypoarousal, where you feel frozen, numb, or disconnected.
Signs of hypoarousal might include:
- Struggling to identify or name your anger.
- Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access your feelings.
- Avoiding conflict or any situation that might provoke anger.
This emotional shutdown can prevent you from accessing the valuable information anger provides, such as when your boundaries are being crossed or your needs aren’t being met.
How to Work With It:
To reconnect with anger and move out of hypoarousal, try techniques that activate your body and emotions, such as:
Expanding Your Window of Tolerance
Part of the recovery process involves expanding your window of tolerance so that anger and other strong emotions can be experienced without overwhelming you.
This takes time and intentional practice but is a key part of healing.
The following are some ways to expand your window of tolerance:
Therapy
Modalities like somatic experiencing, EMDR, or “parts work” (IFS) can help regulate your nervous system and process trauma.
Mindfulness practices
Activities like meditation, deep breathing, or body scans can increase your capacity to stay present with strong emotions.
Self-compassion
Instead of judging yourself for feeling angry, practice kindness and curiosity.
Gradual exposure
Practice experiencing anger in small, low-stakes situations, such as asserting yourself in minor disagreements, to build tolerance over time.
Knowing When Anger Becomes Unhelpful
While anger can be a valuable recovery tool, it’s important to recognize when it crosses into unhelpful territory.
This might look like:
- Resentment or bitterness that keeps you stuck in the past.
- Explosive or rageful outbursts that harm yourself or others.
- Feeling angry most of the time, which could indicate unresolved trauma or deeper emotional needs.
If anger feels unmanageable or destructive, it might be time to seek additional support.
A therapist or coach can help you explore the roots of your anger and find healthier ways to process it.
3 Ways Anger Can Support Your Recovery
When experienced within your window of tolerance, anger can become an ally in your recovery process.
It offers insight, energy, and guidance to help you move forward.
Here are three ways anger can support your recovery.
It’s a messenger
Anger signals when something isn’t right.
Think of anger as your internal alarm system.
When it goes off, it’s alerting you that your boundaries are being tested, your needs aren’t being met, or something is out of alignment with your values.
How to tune in:
Take a moment to reflect: What triggered my anger? Did someone dismiss my perspective, overstep my boundaries, or treat me unfairly?
Notice patterns:
Is there a recurring situation or relationship where anger keeps coming up?
This could reveal areas where change is needed.
Example:
You notice a surge of anger every time a family member brings up your religious upbringing in a dismissive way.
This might signal a need to set clearer boundaries about what you’re willing to discuss.
It’s a motivator
Anger helps you take action.
Anger provides the energy needed to speak up, advocate for yourself, or make changes.
It pushes you to address situations you might otherwise avoid and reminds you that your voice and needs matter.
How to tune in:
Identify the action anger is calling for: What would make this situation feel more manageable?
Start small:
Practice asserting yourself in low-stakes situations to build confidence.
Example:
After feeling anger at being overlooked at work, you decide to approach your manager to request clearer communication about project responsibilities.
While nerve-wracking, the anger fuels your determination to stand up for yourself.
It’s a guide
Anger directs you towards deeper emotional needs.
Sometimes anger isn’t just about what’s happening in the moment.
It can also point to past wounds or unmet needs that are asking for your attention.
By exploring what lies beneath your anger, you’re able to identify previously unresolved pain points or areas in need of healing.
How to tune in:
Ask yourself: What’s beneath my anger? Is it sadness, fear, or a sense of betrayal?
Use journaling or therapy to explore the root cause of your anger.
Example:
You feel angry when your partner makes decisions without consulting you.
Upon reflection, you realize this anger connects to childhood experiences of being dismissed or ignored by authority figures, highlighting a deeper need to feel valued and included.
By learning to pause and explore what your anger is telling you, you can shift from reacting impulsively to responding with intention.
This process unlocks anger’s potential as a tool for empowerment, boundary-setting, and emotional growth.
Final Thoughts
Anger is often seen as something to avoid or suppress, especially for those of us who were indoctrinated into a high control religion.
However, when you learn to work with it, anger can serve as a powerful tool in your recovery process.
It can guide you to the deeper emotional needs that may still be hurting, fuel the energy you need to set boundaries, and help you take action toward reclaiming your personal power.
Remember, anger only becomes harmful when it’s allowed to control you or when it’s left unexamined.
By expanding your window of tolerance and learning to tune in to your anger in a regulated, mindful way, you can access its potential as a tool for growth and healing.
As you continue on your journey of recovery, try to be compassionate with yourself.
Anger, just like any emotion, is a part of you, and it has something valuable to share.
The more you allow yourself to listen and respond intentionally, the more it can help you create the life and healing you deserve.
Some Possible Next Steps:
If this article resonated with you and you’re looking to go deeper, here are a few things that may help:
Check Out These Articles:
- How to Identify & Manage Triggers from Religious Trauma
- 4 Harmful Outcomes of Striving to be “Christ-like”
- Religious Trauma Bonds: What They Are & How They Develop
Join One of the Groups
If you’re someone who’s felt the sting of losing your community when you separated from religion, I’ve got two options for you.
Facebook Group
The Religious Harm Recovery Group over on Facebook is a mostly member-led community where folks who were indoctrinated into a high control religion come together to share their experiences, ask questions, and get support from one another.
Membership Community
If you’re looking for a smaller, more intentional community that includes both educational content and live member events hosted throughout the month, you may prefer the RHR Membership Community.
Work With Me
If you’re ready to do some focused work around religious deprogramming or nervous-system recovery, and you want to work with someone who “gets it,” you might consider working with me one on one.
I am a trained psychotherapist and now offer clinically-informed coaching for clients world-wide who are trying to make sense of their experience with religious indoctrination and heal at a deeper level.
Learn more: Individual Coaching.
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Religious harm thrives in the dark, so the more we can all work together to shine a light on some of these issues, the more likely it is that others will find the same freedom from coercive control that we have found.
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