Why you continue to feel unworthy
4 reasons for your sense of “internalized badness”
Issue #3 | Publication Date: July 25th, 2025
One of the most common struggles I hear about from folks recovering from religious indoctrination is a deep, lingering sense of unworthiness. Even after leaving the high-control religion, many people describe feeling like they’re “not enough” no matter what they do… that they are bad, flawed, or undeserving.
If that’s you, I want you to know this sense of “internalized badness” makes a lot sense when we consider the impact of fear-based ideologies. This issue of the Religious Harm Recovery Digest is going to cover a few of the reasons why you might be struggling with this.
1. Belonging was Conditional
In high control religions, love and belonging often come with conditions. Whether it’s God’s approval, family acceptance, or community inclusion, the message is clear: You’re only as good as your obedience.
Over time, this wires us to believe that worth must be earned.
2. Shame-Based Messaging
Messages like “you’re inherently sinful” or “your heart is deceitful” teach that you are flawed at the core. Brené Brown’s work on shame helps us see how this is not just about guilt over what we do, but a deeper sense of being defective as a person.
She states: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”
3. Loss of Core Identity
Indoctrination often overrides personal identity. Kids grow up suppressing natural feelings, needs, and preferences to align with what’s “godly.”
Later, when those rules fall away, many feel unmoored: If I’m not that person, then who am I? This identity void feeds unworthiness.
4. Early Attachment Wounds
Psychologists like Bowlby and Erikson note that secure attachment and self-worth develop through consistent, attuned caregiving.
In authoritarian religious homes, parenting is often a reflection of the church’s theology (high control, low emotional attunement), which often creates attachment wounds.
These wounds then become the foundation for deep feelings of unworthiness in a child’s life.
In short, unworthiness in this context isn’t simply a “belief” to be reasoned out of. It’s an embodied experience formed through years of shame-based messages, relational dynamics, and nervous system conditioning.
Healing often requires both cognitive reframing (“I am inherently worthy”) and body-based work, such as somatic therapy, that allows you to actually feel safe and at home in yourself.
Going Deeper
Here are a couple questions to journal about or to unpack during your next therapy session: