Spiritual Bypassing: What It Is + How to Avoid Doing It

Spiritual bypassing isusing spirituality or religious beliefs to avoid addressing unresolved emotional issues.

It’s also used to avoid dealing with difficult circumstances or as a way to avoid engaging in personal growth.

Spiritual bypassing could really be most accurately categorized as an “unhealthy coping mechanism.”

It’s usually either the suppression of something “bad” or an overemphasis on something “good,” which allows someone to “bypass” dealing with something painful or uncomfortable head-on.

In this article, we’re going to go over 5 common types of spiritual bypassing, and we’re also going to review how you can avoid falling into the spiritual bypassing trap that are the default response in many high control religions.

Where Does Spiritual Bypassing Come From?

Spiritual bypassing can be traced back to various spiritual and religious traditions that emphasize detachment from the material world and the pursuit of enlightenment or spiritual purity.

In these belief systems, it’s often encouraged to detach oneself from emotions, desires, and attachments in order to achieve a higher state of being.

While this may have its benefits in terms of personal growth and self-awareness, it can also lead to the mentally and emotionally harmful practice of spiritual bypassing.

I saw spiritual bypassing being practiced all the time in the churches I attended growing up, and these practices were further reinforced in my family of origin.

What are Examples of Spiritual Bypassing?

I see spiritual bypassing show up in many religious communities in general and in high control religions in particular.

We even see it in many new age spiritual communities that place a strong emphasis on “positive vibrations” as well as in the general cultural propensity in the U.S. towards a mentality of “toxic positivity.”

Here are a few examples from both religious and non-religious settings:

• “god must have a reason for allowing this to happen”
• “everything happens for a reason”
• “it’s in god’s hands — he knows best”
• “god will never give you more than you can bear”
• “the universe is conspiring in your favor”
• “this is happening to help refine you”
• “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
• “take it to the lord in prayer”
• “keep thinking positive thoughts — good vibes only”

Here’s the thing, while it can certainly be beneficial to have a positive mindset, spiritual bypassing ends up glossing over very real pain and suffering in a way that is ultimately harmful to people’s mental and emotional health.

In all of the above examples, the common thread is a tendency to use religious or spiritual platitude as a way to avoid delving into the messy and uncomfortable aspects of the human experience.

It also hinders genuine emotional support, empathy, and understanding.

So instead of providing comfort, these responses may inadvertently contribute to feelings of isolation, frustration, or inadequacy in the person facing a difficult situation.

5 Types of Spiritual Bypassing

As a recap, spiritual bypassing is using spirituality or religious beliefs to avoid addressing unresolved emotional issues, dealing with difficult circumstances, or engaging personal growth.

Here are five types of spiritual bypassing that I often see in religious settings in particular.

1. Denial of “Negative” Emotions

When someone downplays or denies emotions such as anger or sadness because they believe they should always remain positive or focused on god’s “blessings,” they’re engaging in spiritual bypassing.

This can lead to repressed emotions and a lack of emotional authenticity.

2. Hyper-Fixating on God’s “Goodness”

When someone focuses excessively on praise and thanksgiving, god’s promises in scripture, or expressing gratitude for the “refinement” that difficulty brings, all while neglecting to address their deeper emotional wounds, they’re practicing spiritual bypassing.

This can lead to a state of denial or dissociation in the face of pain or emotional hardship as a way to cope rather than cultivating healthier coping tools that allow someone to stay present while acknowledging the reality of suffering.

3. Avoidance of Conflict

When someone avoids confrontations or challenging situations, preferring to “rise above” such matters rather than addressing them directly, they’re probably practicing spiritual bypassing.

With this mentality, they believe that all wrongs will be made right in the end, and that their duty is to “turn the other cheek.”

This leads to a lack of accountability and can even perpetuate harmful dynamics within relationships or communities.

4. Over-Reliance on Religious Practices

When someone uses prayer, fasting, or other spiritual practices as a way to escape or numb themselves from emotional pain rather than exploring their emotions and taking an active role in addressing their circumstances, they’re engaging in spiritual bypassing.

This can lead to a dependency on external factors, such as religious rituals, to provide temporary relief rather than “doing the work” of healing which would allow them to develop greater inner resilience and emotional awareness.

5. Conflating Mental Health & Spirituality

When someone speaks out against people who talk about emotional struggles or mental health issues, implying {or stating directly} that the person who is struggling is “not right with god” or that mental health issues are spiritual issues, they’re practicing spiritual bypassing.

This is super-harmful because it creates negative stigmas around mental health issues and can prevent people who are suffering from seeking the help and support they need for their mental well-being.

How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing

For those of us raised in high control religions, we may find we still have a “default” towards spiritual bypassing.

When I left evangelical Christianity, I ended up gravitating towards a form of spirituality that allowed me to continue practicing spiritual bypassing even though I had given up many aspects of the religious dogma I was raised with.

And I see lots of other folks doing this as well…

If this is something you’re also struggling with, here are a couple things to help you stay grounded in the here and now rather than defaulting into avoidance.

Acknowledge & Accept Your Feelings:

Start by recognizing your emotions for what they are, without judgment.

It’s okay to feel sadness, anger, or fear.

Accepting these feelings as part of your human experience allows you to address them constructively rather than avoiding them.

Develop a Mindfulness Practice:

Practicing mindfulness allows you to connect more deeply with your experiences and your inner self.

As you engage in mindfulness practices, you often become more aware of your emotions and thoughts, which allows for greater introspection, self-understanding and hopefully self-compassion.

Differentiate Between Spirituality & Emotional Healing:

While spirituality can often assist in emotional healing, it should never be used as a substitute for emotional healing or for dealing with emotional challenges.

Learning about both areas and the role they have in your life can help you discern if or when you might be using spiritual practices to bypass emotional issues.

Seek Professional Help When Needed:

And finally, there’s strength in acknowledging when you need help.

A mental health professional can help you develop the tools and strategies you need to face your challenges head-on, rather than using spirituality as a means to bypass them.

And they can also help to facilitate emotional healing at a deeper level than you would be capable of achieving on your own.